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Intrusive Thoughts

by James Brown

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1.
Stick n Poke 03:27
We've got a million reasons why we'd stick n poke ourselves Tattoos stay with you forever, don't find anybody else So let's leave a lasting image of what all of us here felt Because I've been a part of something and I know I don't want out Your impact always lives here in the beating of my heart And the cigarette addiction that you made me want to start They can kill us both together even if we're far apart Like when we were both teenagers and we used to split just one Waoaoaoaoaoao, my heart is beating fast and I know that you're in need of something You have always been there through my constant misdirection I've always relied on you. I wanna pay it back too I'm so full of selfish desire when I am alone. But you set me on fire. The words that you said, I think over and over again
2.
Moleskines 01:19
I'm tearing up the endless notebook pages that I never put to songs. I was scared of what you thought. I'm coughing up twelve years of decisions. Fucking prisons that we never left. We knew better than that. And now I'm moving on to bigger better ones. And would you have believed me if I said you would lose the ones you took for granted? I wouldn't. We're stupid. We're selfish. We're useless. We're just kids.
3.
I've been looking for an honest conversationist But now I know that I'm the problem, or at least I'm half of it Hey so maybe when I'm strung out, feeling lost Pick a notepad up for once, and finally do what I've been saying Finally write something honest that won't sound dumb No more "whatever"s, time to finish open letters Seems like every time I try I get half a page, a couple lines, then call it a night And don't look back, I start and end things just like that And most of what I write is barely worth reading I could never finish that You asked, you asked, you asked But we were six months out of context I don't want to finish that I don't care how much you ask 'Cause we're two years out of context
4.
Jordan, you said you were speechless for the first time that sums it up well, that sounds about right Last night I dreamt of seeing through Cole or Donna's eyes We were all so dumb, then we all felt lost all alone for the first time in our lives, but Then we all showed scared, let it out ad learned who cared And you're right, I was speechless for the first time I listened and took in everything you had to say My own mall problems fade away This room without a view is more serene than any photograph could pass along, memory or some stupid song Not sick or sorry, feeling closer, faded out or clouded over. What I need is who's with me
5.
Half Full 03:19
Let's scream and shout Let it all out, we deserve it Curse God for this Scapegoat a force we don't even believe in I think we've earned it When I was alone You were my home Treat young distress With soft tenderness Lying in bed In the mornings again Unexcited for the day that's ahead Spending so much of my time thinking What I could have done different So used to subtle dependence But dependent on nothing Do you believe anyone's perfect? Or do you get to know them and slowly lose interest? Write down your throbbingest heart aches Things will get low but get higher again Fill up your head with fake confidence Be naive to the fact it will empty again
6.
It's a nice sunny day And we go to your rooftop deck I'm feeling great OH NO HERE COME INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS I never wanted to be anything I'm thinking I try to reason but I can't get you out of my head INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS Climb up the railing Jump to the freeway Fall 15 stories Why am I thinking like this? I just need a distraction I'm sure I'll feel fine soon In just a moment I'm just trying not to jump off this building I'm just trying not to run in front of a fucking train INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS Rob a bank Kick a lady Yell and scream You don't know me You don't know what I am You don't know what I could be You don't know your true potential You don't know me INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS
7.
Bummerside 02:02
You could pay the boys at Curran & Briggs to pave your streets with gold, but it couldn't hide or fix a culture that's built off of the McDonald's value menu.From my experience, I think you would be better off closing down all of the locally owned businesses, and building bigger parking lots. I'm sure glad as hell that I left the town I come from Your spirit lives inside of an extra large Tim Horton's coffee cup. Or a water bottle burnt just right to help you smoke gross drugs. A stadium built to house former stars who are now washed up. That is, if they even come I know people, who would disagree with me Get mad and, take it personally Talk of safety and, a sense of community But that was never what I felt, I just wanted to get out
8.
I can feel your patience drown with me As I sink deeper down this convoluted sea I see no out or black and white Don't know what's wrong, can't tell what's right And never sure of anything that I decide I hear the faint whisper of love somewhere Holding hopelessly to hope, it's always there And so we're all put back in place Before were shuffled from our space And none of us will ever feel the same again And this body is a taxi cab It takes my head down what my heart thinks is the right path And no it sure ain't always right But it'll get me through tonight Into tomorrow's caring arms I hope I hope, I hope That the reasons I get angry are my own fucking fault And my pocket's always empty, sent my money up in smoke but I don't mind at all I see apathy it's piled so high I see neglect it fills our oceans streets and sky The way we occupy this space And treat ourselves like fucking waste So concerned with a land we think's our own And if everyone just changed maybe we wouldn't feel like shit Be considerate, don't steal from small business Consider other's best interest, and actually listen I hope that someday I'll be able to say "I actually made a difference" That we weren't fucking useless
9.
I'll see you again You return from the city, that you claimed to grow up in I'm not sure that I believe it I think you'll still be the same I'm don't like how I'm feeling,a constant in between You're using all my energy and tearing at my seams So this is it, this is freedom It's not what I expected Not what I wanted I guess that it really ain't free Cause it's taking its toll on me Everyone's heart is too much for one man These days I wish I were three Is anyone a lost cause? Well how can you Know? I think I might be one. I don't even want an response But you''re saying I'm not I'll see you again And you'll give me a letter that I won't want to open Scared of what I might be missing And hiding my heart in my chest Cause I'm scared that you'll take it again I always thought it was just mine to give I guess I was wrong about that Is anyone a lost cause? Well how can you know? I still think that I'm one But you're still saying I'm not

about

RPM 2014
Thanks to Matt, Greg, Jordan, and to Catherine and my neighbors for putting up with my noise

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released February 28, 2014

Cover art by Jordan Beaulieu

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James Brown Vancouver, British Columbia

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